As I ride in the car to my husbands funeral in Nebraska. I’m so angry that I have to do this again. Why? Dear God, I want to know why you think I need to do this again. I feel like this isn’t fair. Not just to me but to my children. I wanted a father for my girls. Maybe I did something wrong, but they did not. My dream was to be a wife with a husband and children. I wanted to be a mommy. We needed support of a husband and father. 

  I thought I found that in Travis. He was a good father. The girls loved him. We were starting to become a family. The girls would sit with Travis and watch tv. I had someone to cook more than macaroni and cheese for. I had someone to talk to before bed. That is something I missed before I married Travis. I miss holding his hand and feeling safe in his arms. Why is this happening?