We went to probate today. My in-laws didn’t speak to me. I don’t understand why. I’ve never got a very good answer why they don’t like me. Travis died. We didn’t get a divorce. They should be on my side. We are both grieving the same person. 

As a learned when Shan died. The in-laws grieve differently. They don’t live in a constant reminder that the person is gone. I look across the room and think Travis should be there. I go to soccer games and think Shan should be there. Cheering his beautiful daughter on. She looks just like him. I grieve for both my men everyday day. There are two invisible knives sticking out of my chest.   The pain dulls but it come back in full force. 

It comes back when I see my father in-law. It hurts to see them. Travis should be standing next to me in their kitchen with the girls running around. This isn’t the life I thought I would have. 

This is a new life. Where I am self sufficient. Where I pay all the bills. God says “You are not a damsel in destress.” Get up and fight. I hear him telling me to be strong. I hear Travis telling me to be a little better everyday. Stronger. Better. Start again.