Tomorrow is Easter. The girls and I are staying at my parents, because I don’t want to play the Easter bunny alone.  I thought I was passed this point in my life. The part where I am a single parent. Doing the mommy and the daddy parts in this life.  

When Shan died. I learned that I grieve a holiday or a anniversary before the event or the day. I think it is more the anticipation of the day being bad. 

Tonight my brother and his family were here at my parents. David did nothing, but ask my mom what she wanted for Mother’s Day. It reminded me that Shan or even Travis isn’t here to think of things for the girls to do for Mother’s Day. Now I am back to not liking Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. 

It’s stupid to worry about these things. It goes back to wanting the dream family. The mother, father and the children. The husband and the father part are not meant for me. God does not want me to have that. I need to be happy with what I have, but I feel like that happiness was stolen from us.  I’m so angry. I’m so sad.